My Voice

I have become familiar
with the translucence of my image
in the windows of the Ritz;
I wonder how I've come to look like this
plain girl with plain clothes, pale windburnt
complexion, dull mascara rosebud
blush I, so flushed

every fucking time I walk into a crowded room I
keep looking for my voice and
none of you have seen it but
please let me know if you do.
I need to practice expressing myself with confidence.

in the confines
of the kitchen this morning while
washing dishes in the sink my
reflection wavered across the water and
realizing that it wasn't deep I
emptied the last of the liquid detergent
upon my features clinging to the surface and
I violently washed my hands I

handed you a napkin and you
ran it over that crease where your lips
greet your face when I could have easily
removed those crumbs with the hidden
talents of this bitter tongue so tell me
have you seen my voice? I need it
to inspire my mouth to open I've been

open lately to the option of
putting myself out there but
how does one go about it when
she feels that she can't
stand for anything, no one
can see me 'cuz all of this
is bullshit

fuck this

can I have your attention please?
allow me to unclothe, expose, introduce
myself

I am restless, anxious, driven and
scared, neurotic and nervous and overprepared
for everything that never happens 'cuz
I've never had the strength to go beyond
what's familiar, routine, secure—

but I don't want to be that girl anymore who
can't recognize her own form against glass,
blushing and forever washing her hands,
holding her tongue as her heart explodes—

unraveled and naked I stand, I'm
standing up against my fears—
I have finally found my voice so tell me

can you hear it?